Musiq Soulchild; Just Friends (Sunny)
From Lailia Jean’s youtube FusionofCultures
I am reblogging this again because it is still extremely fun to watch
Well I decided to write my emotions down on losing my first born child… (Deep sigh) So here I go…
I was pregnant for 32 weeks before I found out his heartbeat stopped approximately 2 weeks prior to October 28th, 2013. I had an appointment that day @ 10:45am and didn’t leave until 3:30pm. I never been in a situation where something inside me died. I knew I did everything right. I cried all day. I didn’t know what else to do so I released it all on my pillow at home. My house was cluttered with baby shower gifts that were given to me in Michigan, that my mother sent to me on October 26th, and I got so used to eating healthy for Christian, I lost my appetite. Matter of fact, I barely had food in my house for me to eat so I began to starve myself because I never knew I’d lose the first child I conceived with my husband.
I told everyone else that gave me baby shower gifts and who were planning to send me baby shower gifts (who didn’t attend my baby shower) not to send anything and had to explain why and they were heartbroken. At this moment, I had to text my husband (who was currently in Afghanistan) what happened. The time differences between us had me waking up every few hours to see if he would respond to me to confirm that he got my message and he couldn’t believe it and didn’t want to. He was so hurt and said, “I was so ready to dress him up in True Religion and teach him basketball.” My heart instantly dropped and I began crying again because I knew how he felt. I needed him near me ASAP and waited until the morning to check if my Red Cross Message went through and it did. By my time noon, his unit received the message then shortly after, he confirmed his was in route back to the states. I was relieved a bit but still hurt. Just needed my husband for support.
I was induced to give birth to my beautiful baby boy October 30th, 2013 and gave birth to him @ 4:34am. I didn’t get the chance to get an epidural and even if I did make it to my due date, December 22nd, I would’ve still gave birth to him naturally, with no drugs because he was worth it. He had a full head of hair, nose just like my husband and beautiful set of lips like mines. I was still high from the pain medicine I was given to help me sleep during the waiting process but I do remember what my handsome baby boy looked like.
I remember after he was born, he was laying on my right thigh and I began to cry and said, “My beautiful baby boy… I love you.” I didn’t know what else to say but I knew that was the right thing to say. I remember I told the nurses and midwife that I wanted him to stay in the room but I’m sure nobody heard me but my mother said she heard me. After that, the midwife checked me to make sure I didn’t need stitches after Christian’s birth… Thank God I didn’t but I passed out right after.
I woke up a couple hours later, pain free but very tired. My mother-in-law was present and we spoke for a bit and then I believe I fell asleep again.
About an hour later, I was asked if I wanted to see my son. I cried and said, “I don’t think I can do it.” I thought about my strength that brought me to this day then requested for my child to be in my presence and when I seen how much he looked like his father, I began to cry, “My baby boy… I tried.”
I really tried. I felt my body failed him for helping him make it to meet me in the world. I don’t blame anybody and if I did, I probably wouldn’t. I am just very happy I didn’t have to raise him in this cruel world for his father and I to protect him and teach him right and wrong. I just want to thank God that he’s in a safer place than where I am now and I pray he forever protects me, watches over me and comes to drop in to speak to me in the physical sense and in my dreams from time-to-time… I just wish he does.
To close my post, since now I’ll be documenting my journey of coping and healing from my son’s birth into the gates of Heaven, I want to thank every single person who has supported me since last Monday through Friday. That was the hardest week in my life and I pray that I maintain my composure throughout the rest of my life…
I feel bad posting this but I have to pass the word on until I receive any payment…
I currently own a 18 week old male White Maltese named Juno. As of Sep 21st, he’s 3.25 lbs. Updated on ALL shots. Just recently received his Rabies shot (Sep 21st). Very friendly with children and hyperactive but shy at times, around certain dogs. House trained on newspaper but loves to also use the outdoors.
I’m trying to find him a new home because I’m currently 6 months pregnant and growing tired of taking care of him, since I’ll be giving birth soon but would love for him to be welcomed into a nice family home. I would also love to meet who is ever interested in buying him from me. I will let him go for how much I bought him for: $600 OBO including ALL shots & dog food, doggy bed, collar & leash included. Please #repost & spread the word for me. Thanks 😩